God is a God of epic proportions, minute details, and everything in between

I have been contemplating writing for quite some time. There are hundreds of things that happen every day  that one could focus on and write about, and at times I feel compelled to put it in words.  This is one of those moments.

I'd like to share with you a story of God's providence. 

Question 15 of Desiring God's Baptist Catechism is this:

What are God's works of providence?  Answer:  God's works of providence are the holy, wise, and powerful acts which he preserves and governs all his creatures, and all their actions.

The scripture references are:  Nehemiah 9:6; Colossians 1:17; Hebrews 1:3; Psalm 103:19; Matthew 10:29-30.

It all started Thursday last week.  I got up, and prepared for work like every other thursday for the past 7 years.  I got my coffee from my lovely wife, and sat in my super nice BMW.  Don't let this fool you-it is 11 years old, and has 140,000 miles on it; however, it has been mine for 18 months, and I really enjoy driving it.

Humming along U avenue headed towards 131 to drive to Albion, I had no plan or idea what God would do.

My car started hesitating, and generally speaking: Not wanting to drive any more.  I turned around, and went home.  Quickly, I switched vehicles, and drove my wife's van to my two appointments.  When I arrived home, Sarah drove with me to Spikes in Mattawan where we take our vehicles, and have been very happy with their service.  The man at Spikes told me they would take a look at the car, but might not be able to help me since it is a european car.

This didn't bother me.  I figured they would fix it.  They always do.  Friday morning, I drove the truck to work.  I own a 1995 Ford F250 that is old, cheap, and carries a lot of wood back to my house when I want it to.  It is the exact opposite of a BMW.  In fact, it usually sits in my driveway forlorn, and feeling very unloved.  It was called to service that day.  At noon, while I was at lunch, I received the phone call from Spikes that they couldn't work on the BMW, and it sounded pretty bad when they had started it.

I was irritated, and set out to find a new BMW mechanic to help me.  I found a shop 10 miles from the house in Portage that was open until 5:30.  I left the office with the truck, and drove to Spikes to switch the truck for the car.  I then had to drive to schoolcraft to pick up the youngest two children who were being watched by their grandmother because Sarah and the oldest three were on a field trip to detroit.  The problem looming is that if I have two kids, and drop off the car, someone has to pick me up.  Turns out Sarah would be back to Portage at the same time I could get to the repair place to drop off the car-before they closed!

After about an hour of driving, and wondering if this plan would work, it did.  It was Friday evening now, and we had Bible Study.  We all took the van, and enjoyed time with our friends, then came home.

Saturday didn't require much driving, but the BMW shop was closed, so I knew my car wasn't going to be ready for Monday.  We drove the van on Sunday to church and back twice.  Nothing out of the ordinary.

Then came Monday.

I prepared for work as usual in the house, and got in the van this time.  I wasn't looking forward to driving the van because the car is just so much more fun.  I had just hooked up my iphone to the speaker system about 6 minutes down the road ready to listen to the Bible over my speakers, and the check engine light came on, and my accelerator didn't work.  I muscled the steering wheel over to get the van off the main road, and it came to a stop.  With the check engine light on, I assumed the worst.  I called Sarah to ask her to drive our only remaining vehicle to pick me up.  I then checked the oil.  No oil.  This is not going to be good.  Spikes received another call from me, and came and towed the van.

Now, I was driving the third tier vehicle with horrible gas mileage on a Monday to my appointments, and my wife had nothing.  This is quire ironic considering we have three vehicles and only two drivers.  In addition, it had now occurred to me that we had no more contingency plan available.
Furthermore, Haley and I were planning on going to Detroit to watch a Red Wings game.

Pressure.

Shortly after the van died, I received a call from the BMW place.  They can fix the car, it needs some maintenance, and can be ready by Tuesday.  This was great, and I finally had some good news.

I ran two appointments with the truck, and then stopped at home to get Haley before an appointment on the way to Detroit.  No trouble.  I drove to Battle Creek, then to Detroit.  Haley and I stopped for gas, and some food, then were 90 minutes early to the game.

We still had not heard anything on the van.

The Red Wings game finished at 0-0, and continued to a shootout which we lost, and then the mass exodus began.  We got to the truck in reasonable time, and I carefully pulled a ticket from under my wiper, and began our treck back to Lawton.  This will take about 2 1/2 hours.  The parking ticket was $30, and was an irritant, but technically, I was parked near a sidewalk, so I'll just have to pay it.

Haley and I were making good time, and didn't have to stop for any reason until about Albion.  This was almost halfway back, and for the first stop, that's pretty good.  Upon slowing down at the gas station, I noticed smoke coming from under my hood.  I opened it up to see coolant spraying near my battery causing the smoke.  I got gas, went to the restroom, bought coolant, and went back outside.  I didn't have any coolant in the reservoir.  Are you kidding me!  It is 12 AM, my wife is asleep with no way to help me.  The whole world is asleep and I am with my 10 year old daughter who is relying completely on me to get her home safely.

We get back on I-94, and notice the engine temp gauge is getting high.  I tried to vent the hot air into the cab, but it wasn't working.  Now we are starting to get cold, and the engine is hot.  After 10 minutes of driving, the gauge is very very high, and I pulled off at another exit that might have a way to fix our issue.  It didn't.

We waited for about thirty minutes.  I check the oil.  No oil on the dipstick.  Why would this ever happen?  I take care of my vehicles, but this makes me look like an idiot.

So I got oil, and prayed.  Haley and I returned to I-94 at 12:41 AM with about 50 minutes to go.  I intended to drive 20 minutes and then stop again.  For the next hour, we drove about 55 miles an hour on a 70 mile and hour road, and were passed by semis, car, and probably horses.  The truck was overheating, and there was nothing I could do, but pray and trust we would get home.  As we got closer to the house, I slowed, and the engine got much much hotter.  We pulled into our driveway, and I parked in the grass away from the house and off the driveway just in case the thing started on fire.  It didn't, but lots and lots of smoke and steam were coming from the engine.  I opened the hood, to get some air in there, got all my stuff and Haley away from the truck, and tried to go to sleep.

It is 10:42 on Tuesday, and this was about 9 hours ago. 

The first thing I did this morning was tell Sarah everything you just read.  The second thing was call the BMW place, and ask if my car was done.  Now, I know it was a long shot, but I had to try.  It wasn't ready.  So, I have a problem.  I need to take the truck in, but I can't come back home if I do.  I also had two appointments in the morning, and one in the evening.  If I drop off the truck, I can't get the car when it is ready, and I can't count on the van because it is probably toast.

I called Spikes and told them what happened with the truck.  He told me to bring it in and they would look at it, and even give me a ride home if necessary.  Not a bad offer, but I couldn't do it.  We have to get the car!!

To complicate things, I have to drive to Fort Wayne tomorrow for appointments in Indiana (2 hours one way), and Sarah needs to drive something to drop off kids and meet me in Marshall where we will leave one vehicle and then drive to a Red Wings game, and then get on a plane Thursday morning to fly to Jamaica for a few days.

Rough life?

It sure seems like it.  We don't have another vehicle for Sarah to meet me in Marshall.  My car isn't done, the van is gone, and the truck might not work.

I walked outside, and started the truck, moved it to the driveway, and came back inside.  I then proceeded to get on my ipad and look at all the links Sarah had sent me for Chevy Suburbans for sale in the area.  After a few minutes of this, Spikes called.  The van is ready, and is ok!  It was out of gas.  (To defend myself here: the gas gauge hasn't worked in 18 months, so we track mileage, and somehow that system broke down in all the car shuffle).

Great!  Now we can drive the truck in, swap for the van, they can fix the truck, and we'll pick up the car with the van when its ready.  Sweet.

Feeling exuberant and finding some light in our tunnel, I convince Sarah to ride with me in the truck to Spikes to get the van. 

Five minutes later, and not yet to spikes, we were stalled out in a truck a few miles from home with all five children at home alone.

I was going to turn left uphill headed to Spikes when the stall took place.  I shifted to neutral, and let the truck roll back to get out of the intersection on this not-very-busy road.

I called Spikes from my cell phone which usually doesn't work in this area near our house, and they quickly came and towed us to Mattawan where we swapped vehicles.

The kids were okay.  The truck might not be.  This is the part I don't know yet.

I check the oil in the van as soon as we arrived home, and there is oil. 

Conclusion:
I shouldn't have to deal with this.  Three vehicles for two people should always allow for uninterrupted travel.  I had to cancel two appointments and potentially missed out on a sale.  If I don't sell, I don't make money, and if I don't make money, we can't pay bills.  Why did the truck have to start overheating in the middle of the night?  Can't it handle one day of 400 miles?  Good grief,  it sits there all the time ready to drive, and when it is called upon, it fails me!  The van is out of oil, and dies minutes from the house!  I get stuck in an old truck. What will clients think of me in that old thing!?  Spikes can't fix my BMW, whats up with that?  Had I taken it somewhere else right away, I might have had it back by Friday.  Why do all these things happen to me, and why did they happen all in the same four day period?  AND  Really  God!!   a parking ticket  ?!?!

Alternative conclusion:
Questions I have asked:
How is it that I drove 400 miles-most of it at night-far away from home, far away from a repair place, and with no contingency plan, and then minutes after getting home safely, the truck dies in a safe place with help standing by?
How did it come to be that I ran out of gas with the van only minutes from my house instead of 90 miles away (where I was going), and would have been towed from there?
How appropriate was it that Sarah met me within minutes of her return from Detroit and my haphazardly trip on Friday when if it didn't work, the car wouldn't have been looked at until Tuesday?
(More difficult to answer):  How and why is it that we have three vehicles anyway?  If this wasn't the case, a disaster would have ensued.
How convenient was it that my cell phone worked when it rarely does in the place where the truck stalled?
How providential was it that I turned on 72nd avenue instead of driving through a construction zone (I left that part out), when moments later I stalled? My stalled vehicle would have been in a active construction zone.
How is it that I decided against going to work, and cancelling appoinments, when if I had forged ahead, I would have stalled out somewhere else- farther away, and without a van to trade for?
Do you really have no perspective David?  You go to a Red Wings game, and travel to many great places, and you complain about this?  Thinking about yourself much?


I ask then, why wouldn't I want this to happen to me?  Why wouldn't I want God to try me, and test my inward thoughts, motives, and desires?  Why wouldn't I want him to preserve me through difficulty?  If I never need to be helped and providentially saved, I would less and less see a practical need for my dependence on God.  He is the one that lined up all these things in four days.  He is the one that sustained a broken down truck 150 miles from here in the dark night so that we would get home, but more importantly that I would glory in his providential care for me and my little girl. 

The same way Haley was 100% dependent on me and my decisions with the truck through the night, I am dependent on God and his choosing of circumstances, and events for me.

Colossians says that "in him all things hold together" and Hebrews says that he "upholds the universe by the word of his power."  Do we believe this or not?

When God works all things out for good for His people, He doesn't say the events are good.  He didn't say my truck would survive this.  He didn't say we'd even make it back from the Red Wings game alive.  He said it would work out for good.  If I can glory in broken vehicles because of Christ, then this is a good thing.

I have trusted my son's life to this great God, how can I not trust Him in everything?

Juxtaposition

September 17, 2013

I sit in the Boise airport alone.  Having traveled thousands of miles to the West to go hiking with my older brother was no mistake, and was quite enjoyable.  We have a hundred pictures, and maybe more of the great mountain ranges we walked through, the lovely pine trees we passed, and even the scarred lands previously burned.  These are the very creation of the God I worship.  Mountains stand as they were placed by Him so many years ago.  One mountain has a red top, others are rocky with crags, and some are covered in pines with smooth slopes.  We walked thirty miles in two days.  Up down and all around.  We tented next to a beautiful lake which reflected the mountains around with astonishing clarity the next morning.  You couldn’t recreate this if you tired.  Hours and hours from civilization- or it would certainly seem- trout bite the lures we cast in the water.  We casted most of them back from whence they came.  God keeps those trout there 8,100 feet above sea level so that one day someone might venture a lure into the lake to see what God might do.  Meals are provided, and God is worshipped alone for such a grand scale, and one yet so small that many people don’t know its there, or are focused on the millions of other distractions in life.

In all of this, I was in awe of my masterful designer, and yet something was missing.  I wouldn’t have said this flying from home to Boise.  Landing in Minneapolis on the way, nothing was different.  Looking forward to seeing my brother and his wife and children along with the spectacular views God might be so inclined to show me was a great anticipation.  What happened?

I realized I was alone.  My brother was there with me the entire time.  We fished halfway around the lake by walking the banks.  We took picture upon pictures, and packed everything in and everything out.  We were responsible.  We cleaned up after another party that wasn’t as clean. We walked like soldiers to accomplish what our minds had set out to do.  So how was I alone?

A single man cannot write what I write.  I was single once.  I’ve been different for years now, and in 7 years, I’ll have lived half my life single, and the other half with another.  This person who has walked a married life with me has always been by my side.  Before we were married she was by my side.  This missing person was noticed in my mind immediately upon walking the mountains.  She is my soulmate, my friend, and one that God himself chose for me.  I wouldn’t ask for another.  She fills my voids, and polishes my unseemliness.  I am no diamond in the rough.  I am the rough, and she makes me look like a diamond.  She is selfless, she is warm.  She is kind, and never judgmental.  She is concerned with truth, and raises our children in the nuture and admonition of the LORD.  Alone in the mountains and seeing the grand display of God himself was dimished by the lack of my wife.  In a strange way, and yet very logical, she surpasses the beauty of the rocky cragged-top mountain, the red mountain, the pristine water of a lake so far above sea level most the world will never see it.  Yet, I see my wife every day, and she seems ordinary because she has always been there.  But Oh!, what God really intended for me to see wasn’t the hills he made.  It wasn’t the trout that is fed by God himself.  It wasn’t the time spent with my brother.  All things are made by Him, and are great, but when God created the world as we see it here-and perhaps with more beauty than we see- he then made Adam.  And God said it wasn’t good that man was alone.  I think I know how Adam felt.  When he saw Eve for the first time, he never wanted to not see Eve again.  My Sarah is that way.

He made the mountains and made the trees, and He made Sarah to set me free.  Free from the trappings of the world.  Free to see what His might truly is by giving me a lovely woman just like he did for the first man. 

Oh, how I pale compared to the mountains and streams!  How far I fall next to my Sarah.  If a mountain surpasses my beauty, how much more does my wife?  Yet, she stays with me, as God’s plan has always been.  I have been given much by the King, and I have a response for Him.

You gave me a woman who heals my wounds. She encourages me when I am down.  She has sought you when I was complacent.  She has delivered  five children because it was your design, and never complained.  She trusted You while our son was in danger.  She disagrees with me.  She has a careful eye to things that I am oblivious to, and I need that, but you knew it, and made her that way.  She teaches our children to love you, and shows them how to train their mind.  She gives her time to me, and asks for nothing back.  She is orderly, clean, and composed.  She avoids things she should avoid.  She lets me be wrong, and doesn’t strike back.  She is better than I, and You made her that way. 

Oh, King of my heart, I thank you today for making a beautiful woman this way.  You designed her and fashioned her spirit and heart to love a man and her children from the start.  You have kept her safe, and her children too, I can only ask one thing of You.  Keep her safe and better than me today and never let her walk away for She is the guiding force of my life, next to You, my Sarah, my wife.

Secrets no one wants (Part 4)

September 27th came around quickly.  The major concern on my mind was the cost of the hospital, and how we were going to pay for it.  I wanted to leave, oh boy did I want to leave.

Sarah was mostly immoble.  Due to the surgery, her ability to lift herself up was gone, and would return over time.  I was very mobile, very vocal, and the hospital knew.

Sometime that afternoon, the hospital actually sent a relations specialist or some such thing to our room to discuss payment and how they could help.  They offered state assistance, and followed that up with "you have to write your income, but we don't verify it."  I rejected this idea immediately, which still left me in a concerned state.

Meanwhile, our baby boy is nameless, and needs a pediatrician to come check him out to verify his ability to be alive. 

To this point in our parenting lives, we have taken all of our children to the same pediatrician that I was taken to when I was a child.  The reason?  It's the only one I knew of.  You know the drill right?  Regular appointments every so often, a vaccination schedule- the usual rigamorole.  We did this mostly, but Sarah and I never subscribed to the wellness baby checkups because all of our children were healthy, and we didn't know why it cost $150 to know that our baby's head was in the 90th percentile.  Nor did we do anything with the information.  I don't even have any of that information framed around my house even now!!

So, because our son was born so unexpectedly, and our midwife could not release us from the hospital the way a pediatrician can, AND because we weren't going to be in a hospital this time, we had to contact our regular baby doctor to tell them of this birth.

A few hours pass.

In comes the doctor.

For what seemed like an hour, the doctor began lecturing Sarah and I on the ills of our lack of scheduling appointments with their office.  He referenced how Madalyn our almost 4 year old hadn't seen the doctor very often, and we had ignored their advice on vaccinations, and appointments.  He even mentioned that before coming to the hospital to see our son, he had considered telling us he wasn't going to come and help us any longer because we posed a greater risk to the other children they are taking care of at their practice.  (Since our children weren't vaccinated the way others were, when our kids are in the office, we give the other children risks that they wouldn't have if our children were up to date.)  As the conversation, which was mostly one way, continued, Sarah started crying, and I knew that I had to step up and take over the conversation, which I did.  I simply told the doctor, that we weren't against any steps they wanted to take, necessarily, and that we did take our children to other places to get shots.  Mainly all I wanted was for him to be quiet, do his job, and leave us alone.  I didn't need a lecture, nor did my wife need any feedback from a doctor we didn't plan to see, nor did we expect to be treated like a 16 year old mother and father who had never had any children together, and had barely had sex to begin with.  What a trying hour this was.

Finally, he stopped.  He began to look over the baby with no name, and moved his arms, legs, made him cry, and the like.  Typical.  "Get done with it already, doc, leave my son alone," I'm sure I thought.  When it seemed that things were just about done, he said, "I think I hear a little clicking sound near his heart."

I think my heart skipped a beat just then.  I didn't believe him, nor did I want to given the lecture we just had.  He passed it off as something that may or may not be serious.  Doctors have a way of saying something terrible, and making you feel like it isn't that bad when it is terrifying, and potentially destructive.  This is what this doctor did.  He said he'd have some other doctor look at it.

Then he left.

I was objecting to everything that was happening on the inside knowing that there were factors outside of me that I could not control.  Knowing that God was in control of all these other factors helped more than I can say; however, in the middle of the circumstance, that wasn't the first thing on my mind.  Denial was probably first, then anger.  After some venting, the bulwark of my faith had to show up, or it must not be there at all.  Sovereign means sovereign, and I needed that.

Later on, yet another person came in to wheel our son out, and give him some test.  I think I was at work briefly that day.  When I returned to the room, Sarah was doing ok, our son was there, and Sarah told me a test was done.  "Ok."  I thought.

A blonde woman walked in the room demanding attention.  She introduced herself, and said she had the results of the test they had run on our son.  Sarah and I were seated on chairs with the window of the room to our backs.  She pulled up a chair and sat in the middle of the two of us, and told us that our son had a bicuspid valve in his heart, and that it was working just fine; however, that over time these things tend to get worse.  She told us that if things got worse, they would gradually change, and he wouldn't turn blue in the face one day and fall over.   She also told us that people have issues like this and live a long time, and even don't know they have it.  She then produced a printout from Wikipedia quoting some information about bicuspid valves, and various consequences of them.  On the Wikipedia handout, there were some pictures of hearts, and other things.  Based on the information she gave us, first of all, we were in shock.  I was unhappy with the hospital, pediatrician, and now they have thrown another doctor at us?  This was not sitting well with me.  When I could gain composure, I asked her if things were ok, if  he'd have to see a doctor at all.  Her response is still shocking to me today.  She said, "Well, yes, he'll have to see a doctor the rest of his life, and we're the only pediatric cardiology in Kalamazoo, so he'll be seeing me."

This didn't help.  I don't like one option, and I don't like being told I have one option when I know there must be more.  Furthermore, I didn't appreciate the lack of professionalism in printing Wikipedia pages from the internet.  I could do that from home.

September 27th was more difficult than the day before in many ways.  I knew that God was in control, and I didn't doubt him.  I didn't know what He was doing or why.  It was hard encapsulate what had happened in the past 40 hours.  I definitely wasn't ready to talk about it.  I didn't talk about this for a very long time.

People came to the hospital to see our son with no name.  We were glad to visit with friends from church, other friends, and family for sure, but we couldn't talk about these things yet.  We just weren't ready. 

Sarah and I had never struggled with a name this much before.  Audrey's name was chosen long before she arrived, and Haley was in the middle of her pregnancy.  Brett's name was right in line right up to his birth, and with fluttering eyelids, I got that one through.  Madalyn's name was carefully chosen, and ready as her birth was scheduled.  This little baby had produced more anxiety and surprise than any other child thus far, and the downfall was that it took over 60 hours to find a name suitable for his little person. 

No matter what came, God did this.  He created my son.  He crafted him special- just like every other baby.  He formed my baby from inside the womb. 

Pro 11:14b  "In abundance of counselors there is safety."

Ps 139:13  "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb."

Father of mine, oh come and see
We are lost, destitute, and not free.
We cannot leave this dark place
We need store upon store of your grace.

Sorrowful, yet Rejoicing (Part 3)

It seems that once we got off the plane in Detroit, the next 156 days would rush past more quickly and more dramatically than any other period like it.

From September 3 to September 25th, nothing out of the ordinary took place.  We took our kids to school, went to work, and attended church.  The next thing on our mind was October 12th, and our fifth little baby.

Sarah woke up at 2 am on September 26th.  She was bleeding.  I was startled into consciousness, turned on the light, and Sarah was focused on blood in the bed, and the constant leaking that pursued.  She went downstairs, and called the midwife from the bathroom.  I was trying to calm her down, and tell her this is ok, we're just going to have a baby.  (Having seen 4 births, and participating in all of them, I know there is blood involved)

She didn't think so.

The midwife called us back quickly, but was out of town on vacation.  She told us to call her assistant. We did, and she arrived at our house from Vicksburg in about 15 minutes.  (Some record!)   Sarah continued to bleed, and concern was building- both from the midwife and from Sarah.  I wasn't convinced.  I have a "We've got this" attitude until you really prove me wrong.

Going back in time about a year, Sarah and I made a major transition in our lives.  We left a church that we had been raised in.  This was not easy, nor was the decision taken lightly.  Part of the reason for that change was our believing that our sovereign God is not just loving, kind, compassionate, just, and righteous, but that His being sovereign meant that He is in control of every situation in a way that He is bringing it to pass.  We don't believe God established laws or order, and then let us make decisions apart from Him.  He is in control of everything, and everything that happens has been designed by Him.

I say all that to say that this knowledge of God based on what He says about Himself in His Word was a great balm to my soul and spirit throughout September 26th, and all the days that followed. 

The days didn't get easier.

We contacted Caleb, our good friend who lives about 8 minutes away.  He got up and arrived quickly.  He was bleary-eyed, and exhausted, and was now assigned the task of watching 4 children immediately without much warning.  We left Caleb, I'm sure, in a state of disbelief, and wonder.

The midwife encouraged us to go to the hospital to see what the doctors there would say.  I don't like hospitals.  I've been locked up in hospitals many times and for reasons that I don't agree with.  Driving to the hospital when our plan was to have this baby at home felt like a dagger.  See ya later, Caleb.

We were supposed to be happy though!  On this special day when God would choose to bring our son into the world, we were plagued with worry, blood, a hospital, and payments to midwives who would never have to do much work to earn what they were paid.  Is God really in control of this nightmare?

Sure enough, the doctors sat Sarah down, and ran several tests, and told us not only do they not advise us to go home and deliver this baby, but they were going to help that little baby come out.

We've never delivered a baby unnaturally.  I think this was the beginning of God speaking softly and telling us that just like recorded Scripture, he doesn't always do things "naturally."

When Sarah heard we were going to have a C section, she started crying.  I was mad.  I don't like doing things that I don't like to do.  Make sense doesn't it?  I'm the father, I'm paying the bills, I make the decisions, but God took this one from me, and it was very hard to deal with even as my son was being delivered.

I dressed up with scrubs, and waited in the hallway for what seemed like hours.  I could hear Sarah moan after an injection which I knew she hated.  Previous injections in the same area had caused the skin to be very sensitive, and now they were doing it all over again.  My mind was swirling with frustrating thoughts, anger, "Why would God do this" complaints, and "Why am I in the hallway?  I'm her husband, I should be there with her right now, don't you make me sit here all by myself in the hallway."

But there was nothing I could do, and I knew it.  God has ways to prohibit the action of his people, and in this case, he did it using other people in a deliverance that I didn't even want.

Some time later, I was summoned into the surgery/deliver room.  All I could see was Sarah's head and a blue blanket held up with clips blocking their work from Sarah's and my eyes.  I held her hand.
I held her hand.

This was not easy.

I heard a baby. 

Oh the tears that come to my eyes as I write this, and the tears that flowed when he arrived.  In spite of all the hardship, stress, and anger, my son was crying, and I could hold him.  Sarah couldn't move until they finished their surgery.

He weighed 7 pounds and 7 ounces.  It was 6:15 am.

I took pictures, and smiled.  I've only had one other boy.  This seemed new all over again.

I had to write people at work to cancel appointments I had set for that day, and people understood, but boy did they not know what 2 am to 6 am was like.  I didn't know if I even wanted to tell anyone.

I held my son next to my skin knowing that he probably would be the last one I would ever hold at such a young age.

Sarah was wheeled into the room I was in which was just a post-surgery room before we could get to the jailroom we'd be in the next several days.

I sent a message to my brother and Staci who were planning on being here BEFORE the birth to help.  They were surprised.  We contacted a few other people, posted on facebook, intended to call parents and then my phone died.  We had no phone and no way to contact people until about 4 pm that day.

Sarah was finally able to hold him.

In the months preceding this, and in the flurry of activity, our son didn't have a name.

Proverbs 22:1  "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold."

You didn't let us go our way.
You blocked our path that September day.
Oh, help us trust you and name our boy
A name for you, and for your joy.

Zechariah in utero (Part 2)

One of the complications of our unplanned pregnanacy was our pending trip to disney in early September.  I won the trip through a contest at work, and didn't take it until labor day weekend.  Sarah had done research and discovered that is actually a slow time for them.  That's the exact time to go!  With a due date of October 12th, the trip was planned for about 5 weeks before his pending arrival. 

The other complication was insurance.  We specifically choose our insurance, it is not an employee benefit.  Because we were done having children, we didn't choose any coverage for pregnancy.  This was an early concern.  After researching options, we discovered our best bet with insurance would increase our monthly premium by over $800.  This seemed a bit excessive, and we kept our options open.

I have a sister in law who is a practicing midwife in Idaho, and the thought occurred to Sarah and I to go with a home birth and use a midwife.  After all, every one of our four children was naturally delivered, and this would be no exception.  Home births are much much less expensive to top it all off.  We contacted Staci about the same time as I had told my brother Matt, and were considering hiring her to come here and manage the birth.  Due to travel, cost, and prenatal information requirements, we were encouraged to hire someone locally.  Staci still wanted to come, and so Matt and Staci planned to be here a few weeks before the birth, and to stay and help afterwards as well.

So, the search began.  Sarah did the searching, I kept on asking.  We contacted a midwife in Battle Creek who is well known in the area, but wouldn't drive to Lawton.  There was another option that was much closer, but we didn't like the new age, "hippie" style of that one.  When we thought all was lost, and perhaps no one would service the Lawton area, God solved it for us.  He pointed us to a midwife from Sturgis, about an hour south of here that would drive to our home for all of the prenatal appointments, and would deliver in our home.  She had an assistant who lived in Vicksburg who could get to Lawton in a hurry if she had to.  So, we hired them.

$2,500 paid in monthly payments over the prenatal period was a lot cheaper than $800 per month with copays and deductibles.

I met with Sarah and the midwives at the first appointment, came to the agreement mentioned above, and went back outside rototilling the garden in a way that would make my Grandpa Taplin proud.

Appointments hummed along ok, God was providing funds to pay for the delivery through my work, and we were looking forward to a home birth- something we never thought we would do.

Because we were footing the bill for whatever we chose, we opted for an ultrasound down in Fort Wayne that we could pay "over the counter" for.  This ultra sound gave us gender.  On June 16th, God told us He had given us a son.  I think the whole family knew it anyway. 

As we came closer to the Florida trip, the midwife gave us her ok to go, and so all seven of us went to Florida the weekend of Labor day.  We left August 31st, and returned September 3rd.  We had a wonderful time.  We ran from the last ride at Animal Kingdom to the bus, and from there we got on a plane- back to Detroit. 

Only 5 weeks to go.

Psalm 5:12:  "For you bless the righteous, O LORD; you cover him with favor as with a shield."

Psalm 29:11:  "May the LORD give strength to his people!  May the LORD bless his people with peace!"

O great God, you had a son,
And have given us more than one.
We love this child, the baby so small
We'll learn to trust you after all.

God's choice of Zechariah

This post will be the first of 12 posts describing in detail my wife Sarah's and my "ride" from pregnancy to the Devos Children's Hospital last month.  Sitting at work one Friday morning, these several dates and events kept coming to mind, and with each step, I thought the story was quite compelling, and one that God might use both for my own sake, for my (his) children's sake, and perhaps others.  I hope that it is challenging and encouraging for you.

Spring 2012- Sarah and I have four children.  We were satisfied with four children.  We had no plans to have more than four children.  Life is expected.  Plans are made and followed through- generally speaking.  There was nothing upsetting our apple cart.  Audrey, Haley and Brett were finishing school, and Madalyn was three years old, and not in school yet.  She was the only one home with Mom after the rest were dropped off from school.  When Madalyn turned 18, I'd be 48, and all my kids would be out of the house (ish), and we could be free-sorta like that brief, ever so brief, period between marriage and our first child- of which I can hardly recall.

Our plans weren't God's plans.  I was 32 years old.  Four children is a lot of kids.  Everyone thinks you're crazy.  (Well, until we started attending RBC)  You just get used to it, and figure that since you are in your thirties, there is no need to mess around anymore.  If one was to have a fifth child, it should have been born more closely to the time of baby #4.  Goodness, at this time, we still called Madalyn, "Baby."  She was almost 4!!

Modern wisdom's vote was against us.  God was with us in a way we didn't expect.

Sarah didn't want to use a monthly prescription to prohibit more children, so we were watching calendars, and keeping track.  As a logical person, and with a joint plan, there was no way we were going to get pregnant.

God used a special circumstance to lower our "guard" in order to produce a child.  Details are personal; however, the logical person I am was compromised, and the "no more children" Sarah was weakened.

A while later, Sarah was late, and panic set in.  This wasn't happening.  One day Sarah bought a test, and I came home to the news.  I knew already, I just did.  Tears, laughter, shock, surprise- many emotions visited us that day.  We didn't know what to do, or who would believe us if we told them.

The very next day, I had to call my brother.  He responded pretty well.  I swore him to secrecy except for Staci his wife.  I came home and told Sarah that I had told Matt.

I'm not sure how much time elapsed from that day until the next "revealing."

One night, we had Clay, Jessica, and Caleb over.  Many people did not know the news.  We told them.  Caleb was pretty pleased that he was "in the know" early on with news like this.  Jessica started crying.  We felt embarrassed in a way, yet happy.  It was good to tell others.

On April 23rd, we told our 4 children.  The revelation was videoed and posted on facebook.  Haley's immediate response was, "No, that's not true."  We received blank strares for a bit.  I think they finally believed  us when Sarah stood up and pointed at her belly.  Giggles, laughter, and kicking legs ensued.

God had blessed us again as He says in the Scriptures:

Psalm 127:3-5:  "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.  Like arrows in the hand of a warriors are the children's of one's youth.  Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!  He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

Proverbs 18:22:  "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD."

Isaiah 55:9:  "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Feeling blessed, nervous, and surprised, we sought to handle this pregnancy in a way we had never thought of before.....

O God you took us by surprise
You sought to turn away our eyes
From things on earth and planned out days
To cause us to know your hand and ways.

God stopped fire to answer Moses, and God answered me today

Oh my soul, continue to trust

Your God is good, He never rests.

You pleaded with God- the God of heaven

And He replied with tremendous blessing.

Oh take heart, spirit of mine

God is all powerful and divine.

He beckons creation at his will

It responds in the past, and it obeys still.

This God of yours is supreme and strong

He will protect- it’s to Him you belong.

The son of yours that needed grace

He has redeemed from that scary place.

You asked I AM to keep him here

The God who is, replied very clear:

“David, your son who truly belongs to me

Will stay with you, I set him free.

“You see, I am great, strong and true

And all of those that belong to you

Are my children too, and that you know

Teach them my ways as they grow.

“I may keep them with you for a while

I know they will bring you many smiles.

But never never ever forget

This everlasting benefit.

“I listened to you from your lowly place

I extended grace after grace after grace

So you would know, that you should pray

Every day, and ask for grace.”

“O God”, I hear myself reply

“If I didn’t have you, I would die.

Expire without a chance to breathe

I wouldn’t even want to be.

“You rescued me when I was young and ill

Just like my Zechariah- Oh, keep him still.

I owe you my children, I owe you my wife

I owe you my affections, my drive, my life.

“Oh keep me in your loving way

Don’t let me part- even for a day.

Let my children grow and daily think

About You, O Great King of Kings.

“I know you heard my humble cry

And thousands more, sought your eye.

I asked them to pray for Z to you

Knowing that’s who you respond to.

“And that you did, O God of my heart

All those people will know to start

That You are Sovereign, God of all

And every day, we should beckon and call.

“I love you with my spirit and soul

I accept your answer and control.

No matter what you may do with little Z

I’ll always your little child be.

I hail from the roof, I scream with my mouth

That Yahweh is the reason to shout.

YOU HEARD MY PRAYER, YOU PROVED TO ME

THAT GOD IS A GOD WHO ANSWERS ME.

YOU HEARD ME FROM YOUR HIGH PLACE

EVEN FROM YOUR THRONE OF GRACE

YOU HEARD MY LITTLE VOICE AND PLEA

And said, “Yes, David, He belongs to me.”

“I’ll save that boy, that cutie pie

I’ll keep him with me so he won’t die.

I have a plan for him, you see

That’s why He’s going to be my Z.

“You train him well, and handle with care

I may not always leave him there.

For now my son, he’s yours to keep

For that, David, fall on your knees.

As I fall in soul and spirit

To kneel before this King divine

I worship wholly with my being

Yahweh, Jesus, King of mine.

To the God of the Universe

O Lord my God, I cry to you.  I need you.  I fall before with you with a broken spirit.  I am helpless and at your mercy.  I am surrounded with sorry, woe, and pain.  Please come comfort your child.  O God of the highest heaven, fix my heart on you.  Cause me to walk in your statutes even now.  Remove the doubt my heart holds, and make me love you even more.  Don’t take your spirit away from me.  Descend from on high, and surround my soul.  Fashion a balm to overcome me.  Increase my faith in you, and only you.  Don’t let me wander from You.  Remove my sin, grant that I would walk in your ways.   Keep me, O keep me from today until my dying day.

Be with my son.  Protect his heart.  Cause his body to be whole again.  Make Him grow to be your servant.  Give him no pain.  Save Him for your name’s sake, my God the King.  You alone are worthy.  You cause the sun to rise, the world to turn, and the galaxies to be numerous.  You command sparrows, are captions of Kings, you are the Lord of history, O Sovereign God, save my son.  Use your power to remove what hurts Him.  For your sake alone I ask, my King.  You protect your people.  You choose people, events, and history.  O make my son be part of your history.  Keep my son the way you have kept me.  Grow Him to be a champion for You and only You.  Great Jehovah, your love is great love, will you greatly love my son today?  My spirit begs you, I call to you, O King of the universe, respond to me today.

Love my wife.  Guard her feelings.  Cause her to fall longingly toward You and no other.  O Yahweh, you are the I AM from the beginning.  Grant that my Sarah would know You are.  You always have been , you are today, and you will continue to be.  Pass your spirit to her and cause her to trust you, and know you more.  Remove her doubt, strengthen her body and mind.  Keep her forever in your care.  O Great God, you respond to your people.  You make miracles out of nothing.  You created things out of nothing.  You sustain my being, and all the world around.  You can stop the sun.  You cause good things to happen for your people.  O make today a good day for Sarah.  Use your power to draw her to you.  Don’t let her wander.  Be a salve for her spirit as you have for thousands of years to your chosen people.

Protect the others.  Don’t let my children doubt you because of today.  Use our trial to strengthen their faith in you.  Keep them from now until they meet you.  Cause my little children to seek your face all their days.  Let them love each other the way you have loved me. 

O God, you have taken the heart of stone and put in a heart of flesh just as you told Jeremiah.  Will you do this physically for Zechariah today?  Do this for him twice.  You have said all things work for good for those who you have called.  I am only yours.  You called me once.  Make this work for good.  You protected David while he hid form Saul.  David was your anointed one.  O God, anoint my Zechariah, and protect him from harm.  You asked Abraham to offer his only son to you.  He did, and you gave him back.  I have laid my son on your arms today, O please, return my little baby. You chose another sacrifice for Abraham, and saved Isaac.   Take me instead, but leave my son if you choose.  You ask us to be a witness for you.  We do, and will witness the way you saved my son.  O sovereign God act today on my behalf.  Respond to me because I am yours and you asked us to ask you.  Some do not have because they do not ask, but I am pleading with you to hear and to save.  You are a great God, the I AM.  You have guarded me these several weeks, please continue.  Oh my little boy needs you now.  Remove any obstacle he may have.  Give him a life to grow and love you.  What more can a baby do, but love their creator?  Let him grow, and He’ll know you.  He’ll know how you saved Him because I’ll tell him.  O God you do nothing by accident.  Cause my son to be healed.  Take away any effect, and make him be a strong man for your service. 

I love you my King.  You have saved me, and you keep me.  Even now I feel you.  Someday I’ll see you. 

You are the master of the world.  You command Kings, princes, and the dust.  I fall before you with my request knowing you hear me and love me.  I will proclaim you to the housetops no matter what you may do for me.  You are still God, and I am yours.  You have chosen this path for me, I know not why, but this I do know:  I am to tell of your great love, your saving hand, your Son who died in my place willingly and lovingly.  This of which I did not deserve, but you freely gave.  I stand in awe of your great mercy, and I beg you to show more of your grace in dealing with Zechariah, Sarah, the kids, and me.

You delivered your people from Pharaoh when all they saw was a sea of water, and certain death awaited them.  You can do this today.  I humbly ask You to deliver your Zechariah in the same way.

The Great Physician

Our paths will part for a while, my son.

In short time, I hope again to be one.

You always seem to have been near

But tomorrow that may be unclear.

I want to walk with you and take your place

But God has designed you to take that space.

To go alone, to be out of touch

To bear a burden that weighs so much.

I’m just your Dad, that’s all I can say.

I am weak and feeble, and I fail each day.

My strength is a shadow on a day like today

My arms can’t protect or show you the way.

I want to hold you, guard you, and defend

I want to be with you until the end.

But I’m just your Dad, my little Z

I stand arms outstretched as you leave.

I would trade with you with no question

So you might stay, and play and function.

But your Creator holds his Hand to me

And asks me, “David, just leave him be.”

Oh I ache to trade with you.

Our Father just doesn’t want me to.

He has chosen me to be your Dad

And for you tomorrow to hold His hand.

O Zechariah, you aren’t alone

You see, God is still on His throne

He may turn me away from you

But His grace and mercy will see you through.

Your Father in Heaven loves you so

He wants You to know this trial also.

So as you grow and become a man

You’ll know his presence and His plan.

Son of my body, son of the King

You are a splendid beloved thing

That God himself has loved and shaped

For tomorrow’s events, O be not dismayed!

You see, God himself had a son

He was the perfect beloved one.

God loved his son, and freely gave

His life away, for you to save.

Dad’s love their sons, my little child.

I know I’ll see you after a while.

Rest in your Father, the one above

For He looks down on you with love.

I know someday, we may talk and see

Of this Jesus who died for you and me.

Will you know him my son, my child

And Rest in him this week for a while?

I want to teach you more as you grow

So as a young man, you’ll certainly know

That God your Father is your true friend

Dad may not be with you til the end.

If I leave you first, you stand with the King

I wouldn’t want any other thing.

The Great Physician hails you, my boy

Trust him, Love him, and enjoy.